26 :: a funny (true) story.

ok.
most of you have already heard this story...but it's always good to hear it again.
because it's almost unbelievable how stupid i am.

here goes...

when i was 17 i lived in utah with my 3 older brothers and i worked at sizzler.
super classy. remember that merrilee? it really was one of my favorite jobs.
anyway.
i worked the front counter most of the time, where you would go to order your food and pay.
well...it got really really really slow sometimes.
and i would get bored.
and do stupid things.
like this one time.
hold on...let me tell you about the credit card machine.
it wasn't the kind like you have now.
ya know...the small kinds where the customer just swipes the card and enters a pin number.
nope.
this credit card machine was an ancient metal beast.
i mean big.
i tried to find a picture of something like it and couldn't.
sort of like this only much much bigger...

except it didn't open like that...it opened more like this one on the side...

so, when you put in the credit card and close the door, it locks.
then a sharp edged metal mechanical roller slowly goes all the way across, clicks, and then goes back.
the the door unlocks and opens and voila...an imprint of the credit card.

ok, back to the story.
remember i said it was really slow, and i was really bored.
so i thought, hey, what if i stuck my hand in there and it could imprint my credit card onto my hand.
that would be so totally and completely awesome!
so i did.
it didn't work.
so then i had the brilliant idea of just sticking my finger in there.
obviously if my hand didn't work, my finger like totally would. right?
so i stuck my right pointer finger in and closed the door.
it locked.
and then the mechanical roller started moving across and shoved my finger into the machine.
since it couldn't go all the way across, the machine wouldn't unlock, and i couldn't get my finger out.
and since it didn't unlock it couldn't go back, so it just kept shoving my finger more and more.
and then of course we got busy.
so here i am helping customers with my right finger stuck in a ginormous sized credit card machine, and using my left hand to enter orders, and give people change back.
all the while smiling and saying to customers,
"oh, this old thing...no, no, i am totally fine! it's like a finger massage. really. i do this all the time. oh hey, enjoy your steak."
meanwhile, the machine is cutting into my finger now and i am starting to sweat.
like literally, the sweat is dripping down my face.
i hang out for about 20 minutes like this before i ask someone to get the assitant manager (who was an awesome guy and i am sad i forgot his name).
he see's me and just starts laughing...until he realizes that i am slightly greenish looking!
so he unplugs the machine.
we both thought that would work.
it didn't.
he plugs it back in and instead of going back, the roller thingy shoves even further into my finger.
more people come.
i keep working while my sweet manager is trying to pry the beast open with anything he can find.
then i start wobbling a little, so he unplugs that machine and guides me to the office, where i sit down and promptly pass out!!!!
how embaressing.
whatever.
they had to unscrew the whole thing to get my finger out...all while i am passed out in a chair!
my finger was a little bloody and looked like a "Z" when i got they got it out.
but no broken bones, so that's good.
and then i went back to work!

i think my favorite part about this story is the my general manager (who was another awesome guy. and i just realized right now that i can't remember his name either. sad.) watched the whole thing on the surveillance tapes.
a couple times!!!
just to try and understand what in the world i was thinking!

the end.